Home » Miscarriage: My Story of Loss and What I Learned

Miscarriage: My Story of Loss and What I Learned

Miscarriage: My Story of Loss and What I Learned

Affiliate Disclosure

One of my worst fears came true back in July of this year – I had a miscarriage. I was nearly 11 weeks pregnant. One morning, I woke up and I saw a little brown blood after going to the bathroom. I thought that this was a good sign, since it usually means old blood. I gave the birth center a call to be certain.

They told me I could come in to check things out. I decided to go in to be certain. My husband and my daughter came in with me too, since it was a Saturday morning.

The Birth Center Visit

After arriving at the birth center, the midwife asked to check the heartbeat with the doppler, which I agreed to given the circumstances. She stayed with it on my belly for a long time and could not find anything. At that point, I was trying not to panic, but I did have doubtful thoughts creep into my mind. The midwife then asked if I would be willing to do an ultrasound, and I agreed.

While we were waiting for her to prepare the ultrasound, I had a name come into my mind. It was very clear to me and it was a boy’s name. I later took this as a sign from God that our baby was a boy and that is what we should name him.

The midwife started the ultrasound on my belly and still could not find anything. She finally asked if I would do a trans-vaginal ultrasound, since they are more accurate at detecting the heartbeat. I of course agreed once again, but this time she could not find anything at all. We knew at this point we had lost the baby.

For a few moments, I was in shock. How could this happen? Then reality set in and I could feel the loss. I started crying and my husband held me. Our poor daughter was feeling our emotions too and wanted to be held.

Miscarriage Options

The midwife talked me through options. She said I could get a D & C, which is a surgical procedure to remove the products of conception (baby and all) from your uterus. Another option was to take a drug to help me complete the miscarriage. The other option was to see if my body would pass everything on its own. I opted for the natural option since I did not feel comfortable with a D & C or the drug. A D & C can cause scar tissue in your uterus and lead to further complications in future pregnancies and births.

Emotions After My Miscarriage

My emotional state was a complete mess and wreak over the next few days. The littlest thing would set me off and I would be sobbing for a couple minutes. This was happening all day.

Yes, it is okay to grieve, but this grieving felt out of control to me like it would never end. I also hate crying and showing such dramatic emotions in front of people. It is really embarrassing for me and it is even embarrassing for me to write about them now.

Maybe I simply don’t like showing vulnerability to so many people at once. I am only truly comfortable showing that side of me to my husband.

I consulted with my homeopath a few days after the miscarriage. He told me to take one dose of Nat Mur 200C that night. I took it soon after our call and within a couple of hours, I started to feel more balanced.

The next day, I was no longer having crying spells. I did not feel the overwhelming urge to cry, which was wonderful to me. I had felt so desperate and out of control and it was an awful feeling. Don’t get me wrong, I still felt sad, and I was and am still grieving, but it is in a more balanced way. It is amazing that I only took one dose of this homeopathic remedy and I felt more like myself.

Miscarriage: My Story of Loss and What I Learned Plaque

Passing Everything

Sure enough, I did not need help with passing anything as I started to see a lot more blood that night. It was like that for the next day or so and then it started to slow down. I thought this might be the end, but I was wrong.

The following Sunday evening, I started to feel some very painful cramps. I also began to see a lot more blood and clots pass. The pain got so bad at one point, it almost felt like the worst part of labor to me. I really didn’t want to deal with the pain, so I took Ibuprofen and I didn’t care.

In case you didn’t know this about me, I don’t take pain relievers or drugs for that matter, unless I truly need them or unless I am very desperate. I also wanted to be a good mom to my daughter, so I wanted to feel pain relief quickly. Thankfully it worked and I only needed it the one time.

The bleeding started to slow down over the next few days and lightened to almost nothing. It was like this for a while. My midwives wanted me to take a pregnancy test after a couple days of no bleeding, but I had not had two full days of no bleeding at all. They told me to go ahead and take one. I did and it was still showing positive.

Lab Tests

They asked me to come in to monitor my HCG levels and to get an ultrasound to be sure everything was alright. The ultrasound showed that everything had left my uterus, but the midwife did see a little cervical bleeding, which was consistent with what I was seeing.

Since they were already testing my blood, I asked for them to test my DHEA, TSH, T4, and Thyroid Antibodies. All of them tested abnormal. This was hard for me to believe, since I had all of these tested numerous times in the past and they had tested normal every time before. That being said, it was a little relieving to think that this could be a potential cause of my miscarriage. The midwives told me according to my lab work, it looked like I had hyperthyroidism. They recommended I work with an endocrinologist.

Treating My Illness

I also sent my labwork to my homeopath and he said it looked like I may have Hashimoto’s. He is working on finding a good chronic remedy for me.

I searched for a holistic endocrinologist in the area that would take insurance and there weren’t any. I really do not want to go to a doctor who is simply going to prescribe me drugs to take and not get to the root of my problem. For now I have decided to work with my homeopath and begin working with my acupuncturist again (who is an MD) as well as have my doctor continue to test/monitor my thyroid. If I still need support, I will consider going to one of the integrative medicine clinics in the area.

I began seeing my acupuncturist again last week. She gave me herbs to help me to pass/stop bleeding (Wen jing tang and yi mu cao wan). She also gave me the same advice she did before I gave birth to my daughter: don’t eat anything cold or any fruit. Only eat warm things and nothing raw. This meant no salads or any of the wonderful summer fruit! However, I will say that eating this way and warming up all my food (even kefir or yogurt! You can warm them up without destroying the enzymes in them.) feels great to me and gives me energy.

I remember eating a cucumber tomato salad from our garden as well as a kefir smoothie recently (both cold) and as I was consuming them, I felt energy draining from me. I do think that her advice is sound as I have felt better and more energetic eating this way.

Vitamins and Foods I am Flooding My Body With

Shortly after my miscarriage, one of my midwives called me to check in with me. She recommended that I take a prenatal as well as a folate supplement. Their practice and my Catholic NFP OB/GYN both recommend waiting for 2-3  regular menstrual cycles or 2-3 months before trying to have another baby after a miscarriage. They recommend this along with taking a prenatal before conceiving again to allow your hormones to reset and to allow your nutrient stores to rebuild.

In addition to following this advice, I am eating a nutrient dense diet with lots of organ meats, animal fats, raw milk and local organic vegetables. Below is a list of supplements I am taking:

My specific supplement needs may not be the same as you, so make sure you discuss what to take with your doctor or health provider first before making changes.

Letting Go

I believe I have received some answers. I am doing all in my power to make my body be the healthiest it can be. It is hard to do, but I am leaving the rest up to God. We as humans want to control everything in our lives so that we feel secure. At some point we have to let go of that control and leave it to our Heavenly Father. I am trying to become closer to God during this time and trust in His plan for our family. It is hard to wait and be patient for another child, but I am asking God to help me with that.

If you had a miscarriage, lean on God, your family and friends. It isn’t good to go at this alone, lost in your emotions. Don’t let negative thoughts take over your mind like, this happened because I am unhealthy. It is not helpful and does not contribute to your healing. Talk about your story, even if you are embarrassed like me. It is healing and your story may help others. Do all you can to be healthy and let go of the rest, asking God to help.

Miscarriage: My Story of Loss and What I Learned

4 comments

  1. Elizabeth says:

    Sarah, thank you so much for sharing your story. I am so sorry for your loss, and I am sending you so much love and strength through your healing. Steve and I suffered a miscarriage June of last year. Neither of us knew how to cope with it or talk about it, so we didn’t. I just kept all of my feelings to myself, which proved to be a mistake when we became pregnant later in the year. I was in a constant state of fear, just waiting to see spotting, not believing I could carry this baby. Reading the stories of other women online who had experienced similar losses and emotions made me feel less alone, and lessened the chaos and heartbreak bundled up inside of me. By being brave and sharing your story, you are most definitely helping others. Thank you!

    • Sarah says:

      You’re welcome! Thank you also for being vulnerable and sharing this with me. I am so sorry for your loss. I can relate to those feelings of fear. Even before we knew this happened, I was semi-paranoid because my mother had one and others in my family have had ones as well. Now that it has happened to me, I hope that I won’t be too paranoid next time around. I am so happy for you all that your next pregnancy was successful and you have your daughter now. Thank you again for your kind words and your encouragement!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *